Cliche "Thankful" Post

It's The Day After Thanksgiving. For my family, that means digging out our Christmas decorations and decking the halls. Its 4:00 and our halls aren't decked yet. Actually, I'm working.

Since I work for a large retailer, we don't get black Friday off. Actually, one of the fun things about working where I do is getting to work in the stores every once in a blue moon. Black Friday is a popular day for us corporate people to lend a hand in the stores. They need the help and it's free payroll for them. I headed out to my closest store this morning around 6:45. I stopped to get donut holes for the store associates. My goal was to be there before the bus of EVPs and SVPs arrived. No dice. I had already missed them even though I was there by 7:10. My first job was greeting customers and handing out chocolate bars. Next, I was assigned to an aisle that looked like a tornado had hit it. I didn't get to finish it, but got most of the way through. Since most people DO have today off, I needed to come home and get Ryan to bed for his nap. I did that and have since been in my office working. That's definitely a downfall of working from home. Even though I can shut the door, it's always lurking behind it. Plus, I'm not technically "off" today, so I should be working.

Now that it's nearing evening, I'm going to be shutting my stuff off for the weekend and spending some time with my family.

Now, onto my "What I Am Thankful For" list:

1. My family. My husband. My son. My parents. All of them.

2. Coffee. I've recently started grinding it fresh. Hell, I'm having a cup now.

3. Sleep. It just feels good.

4. All the material things in my life that make things easier (my iphone, dvr, laptop, online banking, keyless car so I never lose my keys)

5. My job. There are times when I wish my job wasn't as stressful, but overall, I like my boss, I like the company I work for, I like the actual work I do. Plus, I get to work from home in my jammies all day and get paid pretty darn well for it.

6. My friends. They're there when I need them and when I don't. That's all you can ask for.

7. Macy's. Yes, seriously. I LOVE Macy's. I love how it looks. I love how it smells. I love how it makes me feel to shop there. I suddenly find myself thinking, "Hmm, maybe I can go tonight!"

8. Our home. There are so many people who have so much less than we do. We are very fortunate.

9. My health. I'm young and in good health. I should take better care of my body.

10. More than anything, I'm thankful for Ryan. He brings me joy that I didn't know existed. He makes me laugh every day. He is full of wonder and love and I could stand to learn a thing or two from him.

That's my top 10. I could name more, I suppose, because I do reflect frequently on how fortunate I am to have all the things I do. And I am thankful for them. Now, to decide whether I want to go to Macy's or decorate my house this evening.

Life is not fair.

My friend Kristen's husband has stage 4 colon cancer. He is going to die very soon. He's on hospice now. He is in his two years older than my husband. That makes him thirty-three. I am horribly shaken by this news, which I just found out today. Kristen and I worked together back when I lived in Illinois and since I've moved, we haven't talked nearly as much. I knew he was sick but I guess I didn't realize how sick. He's going to die and it's not fair.

I had a bad afternoon. I got screamed at - literally - by one of our District Managers. This is a really hectic time for them and for our stores, as it is for most retailers. I was really upset by it and burst into tears the moment we hung up the phone. And I've let it dictate the rest of my afternoon and evening. I moped around until I went to get Ryan and then I moped around all evening as well. I didn't play with Ryan a lot and now I'm typing this from my bed, where I'm feeling sorry for myself. This is bullshit. I'm feeling sorry for myself because some pompous bully yelled at me for doing my job.

Then I think about my friend and her husband. And I think about The Sikes Family. And I realize that all my pissing and moaning is stupid and I need to get the fuck over myself.

Pie Time.

I keep forgetting that Thanksgiving is next week. I'm happily chugging along at work, scheduling interviews, when I see my calendar blocked out indicating I'm out of the office on Thursday. And then it dawns on me that it's Thanksgiving that day.

And for me, that means pie. I could give a crap less about the turkey, stuffing (blech), mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce. Give me pie and only pie. My Thanksgivings growing up did not typically include homemade pie. There was usually a pumpkin pie and a pecan pie. Perhaps a sub par apple pie as well. Over the last few years, I've insisted on homemade pies and have volunteered myself to make them. Admittedly, some years have been better than others. Here's what's in the pie lineup this year:

Creamy Blueberry Pie - this one, I made last year and made on occasion throughout the year. I love it because it's a fruit pie that's a bit tart and nice and cool and creamy.

Double Layer Pumpkin Cheesecake - This will be a new one for me to try this year. People like pumpkin pie and I like to give it a twist. I've done a pumpkin cheesecake before but I like the idea of a pie and a cheesecake all in one!

Classic Pecan Pie - Yup, the Karo recipe. It's the only way to go. I love pecan pie!

Banana Split Pie - No link for this one. It's a recipe of the mother of one of my coworkers. He brought it to work a few years ago and I couldn't get enough. It's now one of my family's favorites!

I'm debating on making an apple pie, if only to be able to try out these bad boys and making a pretty leaf top. They just look so cool. I have a friend who has made several pies with leaves baked onto the top and they're so beautiful.

There will also be a Marie Callendar cobbler. Because I can't be arsed to make a cobbler on my own after doing 3 or 4 pies.

I hated Thanksgiving as a kid. It was hands down my least favorite holiday. Now, I love it. We'll be celebrating at my mom's with 25 people in attendance. I sure hope they don't eat all the pie.

Be Married

We traveled to Starved Rock State Park in Illinois this past weekend to celebrate the marriage of Paul's sister, Bethany. It was Ryan's first plane ride and he did amazingly well. Much better than I had ever anticipated. It was only a quick trip, Saturday through Monday.

We got to see all of Paul's extended family and some had never met Ryan, so that was nice that they were able to meet him. We were fortunate to see some beautiful fall colors and the weather wasn't too cold, just perfect. It was a great trip.

This is Halloween.

Mama's got a brand new...

Camera.

Finally.

Seriously. My old pink Sony Cybershot was a gift back in 2005. It's nearly 2012, people. And I now have a child. I should not be relying on my iphone to capture priceless memories. Ye Olde Sony Cybershot had an amazing 4.5 megapixels. High tech, I'm tellin' ya.

I'd been thinking about procuring a new camera for awhile. My bff, Kelli, got a refurbished DSLR months ago and I've been green with envy and drooling over her sharp pictures ever since. I thought about it and sadly, decided that I'm not the kind of person who needs a DSLR. Namely because I'm cheap and can't afford it, even a refurb. I put it on the back burner for awhile. I think I previously mentioned how insanely busy I've been. Then I started thinking about Christmas cards....and I realized that I don't have any pictures of Ryan, or me, or Paul since May. How did this happen? I mean, I have some pictures. They're all on my iphone and half are of Ryan sleeping or are blurry.

It just so happens that I stumbled into $100 I had previously saved and forgotten about. I saved this $100 in 2003 and forgot about it. Seriously, 8 years ago. Anyways, so I had that and then I also got $100 from my work for completing the wellness incentive. So I was suddenly $200 richer. Anyways, rambling story short, I got a new camera today and I love it.

I actually ended up with another Sony Cybershot. Ye Olde Cybershot circa 2005 still works and served me well. Plus, the one I got has awesome reviews and was in my price range. It's not pink but its pretty freaking sleek and the quality of the pictures is just amazing. I guess I've been living in the stone age because my iphone was my go-to camera. I can't wait to take some awesome pictures!

I had to take a break

I've had a lot going on in the last almost three months that have kept me from keeping up with my blogging responsibilities.

First and foremost: new job. I got offered the position that I had applied for and it's been insane ever since. I officially transitioned from working in the office to working from home and I. LOVE. IT. I love it love it love it love it. I just really love being home and having a little more time with Ryan and having the flexibility to throw something in the crock pot at 2 PM. Being able to run to the store or the dentist or get a pedicure. I just really appreciate the flexibility. I am so much more productive since working from home. Partly because of the fact that the office was so social and in part that now I'm super busy. Anyways, it's going well and I really like it.

Otherwise, just life...Ryan is nearly 18 months old now and he is adept at keeping us on our toes. He loves school and is so cute marching right in there every week.

In other news, Paul also got promoted a few weeks ago. He had to spend a week in Oklahoma City and that was hard. Taking care of a kid is hard with two parents. Thank god for my parents and all the support I can get from them or else I'd never have made it. So he's doing his new job and loving it.

We've just had a lot going on.

But let's be honest. The REAL reason that drove me to update my poor neglected blog was that Shutterfly is once again giving away 25 free photo cards to bloggers and I've GOT to get in on that again. I had a great experience with Shutterfly last year and would love to be able to send out their cards with Ryan's face plastered on them again this year.

Goodbyes.

They're hard.

They're necessary.

I'm going as far as I can go, away from here, away from you, Jake, and the hole you've sunk me into.

I wish that I could belong here with you, and just be..

but that's not all that I'm about. To do.

I'm a big proponent of removing people from your life who don't bring some benefit to it. There are too many things in the world that are stressors and the people you surround yourself with shouldn't be one of them. It's far easier said than done, though, and I'm a bit sad about it.

I probably shouldn't be sitting around

One of my best girlfriends and my maid of honor, Laura, descends on Dallas today at approximately 11:47 AM. I cannot wait. I haven't seen her since November when I went up to Chicago (you remember...we got robbed) and the the last Harry Potter part 1 movie was released.

Laura and I didn't start out as friends. We actually met online on the same messageboard that I met my husband on. Apparently that's where I meet all my husbands and/or best friends. Anyways, she helped me immensely when I bit the bullet and packed my bags to move to Illinois and she was there for me when things weren't going as I'd hoped. She even helped get me a job. And she was there for me when I quit that job. Our friendship has evolved over the years into an easy, comfortable one that just...fits. It's like sliding into a comfortable pair of jeans that fits just right and looks good too. I am so excited to see her.

She came to visit around this time last year, and Ryan was only about 2.5 months old. Now she'll get to meet my rambunctious toddler. We have some fun things planned for the weekend - Mexican food and Harry Potter Part 2 tonight, breakfast then swimming and grilling tomorrow, and shopping and lunch on Monday, which means no work for me.

I sent Paul and Ryan to Toys/Babies R Us to get more babyproofing things. You might THINK your house is baby proofed. But it's not. It never is. So I probably shouldn't be sitting around. I need to finish up some stuff around here and make myself presentable. And I don't have much time.

Luck?

Well, good news!

I got the job! Finally, after nearly a month of waiting, I got the news today that they want MEEE! I'm excited and proud and nervous and happy.

Seriously, though, this particular position is one I've had my eye on for about two years. I'm so glad that I'm going to be doing something I love and working with someone who has been such a great mentor to me over the years. Aside from all that awesomeness, it pays significantly more than what I make now, plus higher bonus, plus I get to work from home!

It's going to be a slow transition from what I'm doing now to the new role.

Anyways, we have a lot of other things going on. Between doctors and dentists and new jobs, etc, we are also remodeling our game room/family room. We, of course, procrastinated and now are in a time crunch. My good friend Laura is coming to visit and currently, the guest room is packed with all the game room stuff. So we've been working frantically each night priming and painting and laying down floor. We're nearly done and have until next Saturday to get everything back where it belongs. The walls are no longer blood red (I wish I were kidding), and the floors aren't just cement anymore, although, still only halfway covered with the new stuff. It's amazing what a little hard work gets you.

I'll try to remember to post before and after pictures.

Murphy's Law

Whatever can go wrong WILL go wrong.

That is the case today for me.

As I previously mentioned, I am trying to get promoted at work. I've applied for this position and have had the first round of interviews. I (im)patiently waited. And waited. Finally, my second interview was scheduled.

It was today at 3 PM. Oh wait, except it wasn't. It was today at 2 PM. I walked into the office of the person I was supposed to interview with (a VP) only to be informed that I was an hour (!!!!) late. Oh, I was mad. I get extremely anxious about interviews. I get an upset stomach and heart palpitations. I just have really high anxiety about those things. So when I was late (the VP didn't really care why), I kind of freaked out. Everything got all worked out and I was scheduled for 4:00.

I had to call my mom and ask her to keep Ryan a bit longer. Thankfully, she had canceled her plans for the evening and could keep him. I arranged to have Paul pick Ryan up. At 4:00, the Interviewer was still meeting with another candidate. His admin needed a quick minute (around 4:05) and then he got on a call. I was still waiting at 4:35. I wasn't sure how long I should wait. I'm glad he came out when he did.

Anyways, I am relieved to have the second interview over with. I believe it went well. Now, we wait some more. Hopefully they'll make a decision within the next week.

On one hand, I feel really good about my chances. On the other, I'm almost positive they won't pick me. I feel like I've done my best, though. I guess that's all I can do.

Naptime

I love naptime. One of the upcoming milestones for Ryan's age group is that he'll transition from two naps a day to just one nap a day. While I'm glad he's growing up, I don't know what I'm going to do when we only have one nap a day.

Right now, a typical day for us is wake around 6 AM, nap from 10ish to 11:00-11:3oish. Then lunch around 12, nap again around 3 to 4 and bed at 7. I'm expecting that in the next couple of months his nap will be from 11 to 1 and then we'll have all day to make trouble.

I'm going to miss two naps. Just during this morning nap, I've made a shepherd's pie for dinner later, done two loads of laundry and browsed the internet (and updated this blog). It's going to be hard to give that up. Someday, he won't take a nap at all. *sigh*

Anyways, Happy 4th of July, Americans! We're celebrating today by grilling out with the family and swimming. Hope you all have a super fun day!

Fortunate.

I very often try to remind myself that I don't have problems in life. Because I don't. Sure, there are things in my life that I'd change. I wish we had the money for a bigger house or to put Ryan in swim lessons AND Little Gym AND preschool, but they aren't problems that can't be fixed without saving a bit of money or simply with time.

I have two friends who are on the brink of homelessness. One is a mom to a sweet girl Ryan's age whose husband copes with mental illness. She's one of the strongest people I know. The other is also a mom and has given up the life she built for herself to change her life in hopes of it being better for everyone. Both are strong women who have weathered many storms. Homelessness - that's a REAL problem.

I'm currently reading not one, but TWO blogs (here and here) that are about BABIES having brain tumors. One is right here in Dallas. THOSE are real problems.

I sit here in my air conditioned home, belly full of wild rice and meatloaf, and my biggest problem is that I have to wash my hair two nights in a row (with hot water and shampoo, no less) because I'm meeting a friend to have dinner tomorrow and I don't like to wash my hair two days in a row. I have First World Problems. My other biggest problem is that I have to wait to find out if I get a big promotion at work (yep - stillllllll waiting on that) and I still have to go to work in my nice office and do my job day to day.

I want to help them. I don't know how.

My company instituted a new benefit for the summer that allows us to leave at 1 PM on Fridays unless we're just too busy. I've been able to take advantage of this benefit for the last three weeks. The first Friday, I went and got my hair done. Which I probably failed to mention previously. I got some awesome super blonde highlights and I'm loving them. This past Friday and the one before, I went swimming with my mom and Ryan. I really love being able to spend a bit more time with him. He's starting to transition to one nap slowly and he only took one on Friday. Around 4:45, he became really sleepy, so I scooped him up and took him to his darkened, quiet room where I rocked him for 40 minutes or so. He never went to sleep and just let me rock him while he studied my face, poked my nose, and sang to me.

It's times like that that I really envy stay at home moms. Those moments were what I pictured when I was pregnant.

Then there are days like today when, at 6:59 (bedtime is at 7), I'm putting him to bed and sighing a sigh of exhaustion and wondering how those moms don't go crazy. Or get driven to drink, doing it day in and day out all by themselves. He's a toddler and a handful.

Oh yeah, something awesome happened today:

We filled up Ryan's little pool and plugged in his sprinkler ball thing in the backyard. We all played outside for awhile and then I headed in for a few minutes of peace. About 15 minutes later, Paul brings Ryan in. Now, I have a keen nose and could smell that something was not right. Ryan was wearing a swim diaper, which need to be torn off. They don't have flaps so they pull up like regular underwear. So, we have one soaking wet toddler with a swim diaper full of poop. We laid him down and I started tearing his diaper off. Paul was in an unfortunate position and ended up getting poop splattered...INTO HIS MOUTH. Oh, it was priceless. I couldn't continue getting the diaper off because I was laughing hysterically. Literally, paralyzed with laughter. After that, we stuck him in the tub. But poop in the mouth?! priceless.

Job Front

I mentioned in my last post that I was crossing my fingers and keeping my mouth shut. Well, I'm still keeping it shut - mostly.

Recently, a position has opened up at work. It's a really great opportunity for me and would be a big step up in the world at Large Retailer. It was not really publicized that this position is open. Typically, if the powers that be don't have a particular person in mind, the opening is announced in a casual way and people are encouraged to apply. I happen to know about this opening because of my awesome seating location that allows me to overhear conversations.

I applied for the position and am now awaiting my first interview.

I really, really, really, really want this. This is the area of Large Retailer that I've wanted to work in since I started and tried to map out a plan for my future. And to make things more awesome, it just so happens that this position would be reporting to the person who has kind of taken me under her wing and been my mentor for the last 3 years. So I know I would have amazing support.

It's a big step. It comes with a fancy raise and double bonus potential. It would allow me to work from home. It would give me good exposure. It would advance my career overall and make me a better HR Professional. I could go on. I don't see the downside to this position. It would be more work, but I'm excited about that. I'm excited about being excited about my job!

So...KMFX. I'll keep updating as I get further along in the process.

In time..

*crosses fingers*

I hope that in good time, the things I want work-wise come my way.

I'm desperately trying not to get excited about anything but it sure is hard sometimes.

Anyway. For now, I just need to wait and keep my mouth shut.

Things have been going really well for us. Ryan had a little cold the tail end of last week but he's all better now. He's done remarkably well going off of formula and bottles. The first few nights bottle free were confusing for him but now, even if he's not quite ready to go to sleep, he plays quietly in his crib for 5 or 10 minutes before finally settling down and going to sleep. I really think we're just lucky that we got such a great sleeper.

Eating is a different story. That kid is a little bird...pecking here and there, but never really eating a ton. I suppose he's getting all he wants, but it makes me nervous. He's getting taller and now, when he reaches up, I can count his little ribs. He's getting plenty to eat and tells us when he's done, so I guess he's okay. I just wish he'd eat some damn veggies.

In other news...we've decided to finally tackle the mess that is our 2nd living room/gameroom/man cave. It's actually a garage that's been converted to a living area. I think the previous owners used it as a media room. When we moved in, the room had wall to wall cream colored carpet and bright red walls complete with movie theatre uplighting on the walls. We used that room quite a bit up until Ryan was born. Sometime between the time we moved in and the time Ryan was born, we thought it would be a great idea to stain the concrete. You see, my mom and Diane have several rooms with stained concrete in their home and it looks great. Ours....not so much. When Ryan was born, he absolutely hated being in that room. So we moved into our formal living room and there we've stayed.

Now we're taking it back and shelling out the cash to put down new flooring, paint, new window treatments and lighting, as well as hopefully...some new furniture. I think we've finally picked the floor out and now just need to decide on a paint color. I'll have to post before and after pictures once it's all done - which probably won't be anytime in the next month, unfortunately.

Either way - hopefully lots of good things coming our way.

Am I the Creepy Lady Down The Street - Part 2

How sad is it that I'm asking myself this question yet again? If you don't remember, you can read the original creepy lady post here.

I never did hear from them after dropping that card in their mailbox. I've seen them around but I don't get the impression that my neighborhood in general is really "neighborly" so there's no waving to each other or anything. On Thursday while doing the daily drive by the mail box to pick up my mail (we park in the back), I saw New Mom walking to her mailbox with her baby and made a decision then that I was going to park my car, go into my house, change clothes, and march over there and introduce myself.

Maybe the mailman stole my card. Maybe someone else checked their mail for them and they never saw it. Maybe they thought it was weird and wrote it off as some crazy lady down the street going off her rocker. Anyways, I decided enough was enough and I was going to make her be my friend hell or high water. So I parked, came inside, changed into capris and a shirt, popped Ryan on my hip and walked over there.

I'm not sure what prompted me to just do it and even as I was walking up the path to their front door I was nervous. I rang the bell and the husband answered the door. Now, I can't recall exactly what was said but it was something along the lines of, "Hi" *awkward smile* "My name is Sam. I live just across the way. I have a baby too!"

Nah, it wasn't that bad. It was a 5 minute conversation that I can't remember. I know she teaches kindergarten and their baby's name is Sophia. I doubt I'll ever hear from them again, but hey, I did it. And I really don't think I looked TOO crazy.

Today was my best friend Kelli's son's birthday party. He turned 1. She had a super fun beach themed birthday party for him. I really admire her decorating skills. From the sidewalk chalk pointing to the direction of the beach to the cupcakes with "sand" on them to the slip n slide, it was very cute and everyone had a great time. I have another 1st birthday party to go to in a couple of weeks. As much fun as they are, they sure are exhausting!

Hey! We went on vacation!

I have a new policy of not discussing vacations on the internet until they're over because I'm afraid someone will randomly find my blog and break into my house while I'm gone.

So yeah...totally went on vacation and now I'm back and it sucks. We decided to use my bonus money this year for a vacation for just Paul and I. Ryan stayed with my mom all week. I'm not gonna lie - it was hard. I missed my little guy more than I can describe.

We, as a couple, LOVE cruising. We've been on 4 in the last 5 and a half years. We just really enjoy being able to see several places and experience different cultures with the convenience of having food, transportation, etc all taken care of. This was our first time on Carnival and we really loved it. I was a little leery because I'd heard that it's the less nice cruise line. I'd completely disagree with that. We had such an amazing time. We were on the Carnival Conquest and the absolute first thing I noticed was how friendly the staff was - both with the guests and with each other. They seemed genuinely excited about their jobs and like they really enjoyed one another's company. I can't speak highly enough of our room steward, Sohenri. He really made our vacation special.




Our first stop was in Nassau, Bahamas. I think our biggest mistake here was not going to Paradise Island. We aren't big on excursions. We're more of a do your own thing - make your own adventure type of people. So we decided to just wing it. It was just okay. The only neat thing we found was a hidden garden overflowing with flowering trees, so we stopped for a minute and rested. We were there on a Wednesday and it seemed like everything was closed. Coupled with the unbearable humidity, we walked around for a few hours and then gave up and went back to the ship.

Our second stop was in Freeport, Bahamas. It's deceiving because the port is in a very industrial area and you have to take a 20 minute taxi ride to get anywhere desirable. We stepped up and got ourselves a taxi. At first it seemed like the $15 per person cab fare was outrageous but after a 20 minute ride to the beach, then a separate 10 minute ride to Port Lucaya Marketplace and then yet another 15 minute ride back to the ship, we thought it was fair. Plus, gas is over $5 a gallon there! We spent a good amount of time there and liked it.


Our third, and final stop was Key West, FL. We LOVED it. Loved is an understatement. We felt it was by far, the absolute best out of the three. I have a good friend who visits Key West at least once a year so I hit him up for some recommendations. Since it's such a small island, we decided to walk everywhere we went. Which wasn't so bad at first. Then my feet started protesting. We walked the length of the island, down Duval Street to the southernmost point. We went to the Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory. It was so beautiful. I have tons of gorgeous pictures of butterflies and birds. We took some pictures and then stopped for an iced tea. Then we found Sarabeth's and had brunch. After brunch, we walked down a residential street to Kermit's Key Lime Shoppe and got a chocolate dipped key lime pie on a stick. They had a beautiful pond filled with koi and a quarter buys you fish food and an awesome show.

After our fun day in Key West, we decided that we'd like to go on a family vacation to Key West. So we're thinking of doing that possibly next April.

Coming back to reality after being on vacation sucks, but, we've been home for a week now and I'm just glad things are getting back to normal!

Look Who's One!

This time last year, I was sitting in my bed, much like I am at this moment, thinking about how my life would change within the next 24 hours. I couldn't have imagined how. I look back over the last year and reflect on not only how my life has changed, but how I've changed and how Ryan's changed.

Oddly enough, the trip to the hospital and the resulting cesarean weren't as scary as bringing that tiny baby home. That tiny baby who was brand new and couldn't do a thing except be loved is now a toddler. A toddling toddler who is into everything and is a busy bee.

We had his first birthday party on Saturday. All the stress and prep work was totally worth it. We had a baseball theme and it was awesome! I was just amazed at the number of people who showed up to celebrate my little boy's special day. Here are a few shots of our fun day.

Time.

It's May 1st. 2011.

How is it possible that it's been nearly a year since my baby was born? This time last year I was in my final days at work preparing for maternity leave and at home for Ryan's arrival. My last day at work was May 4th and I spent the following 5 days waiting. On the 6th day, he came.

Anyways, I'm in awe that it's been nearly two years since we first decided to have a baby. I personally believe your life changes then, not when your baby is born. You decide to change your lifestyle, quitting all things wonderful (booze...diet coke...sushi..coffee) for as long as it takes. You decide to share your body with another human. Of course, your life doesn't REALLY change drastically until you're holding your precious infant in your arms and the weight of the world firmly plants itself on your shoulders for the rest of your life.

I'm rambling. Ryan amazes me every single day. He's been sort of walking for quite some time, since about mid-March...but he'd really only walk from one person to another and only very short distances. Well, he decided on Friday that he was going to walk, and walk he did. He hasn't stopped since. It just amazes me that 8 months ago he was just starting to sit up and in the last year, he's gone from basically being totally helpless to sitting, standing, walking, feeding himself...he's a tiny person who can do everything I can do (almost). I'm so proud every time he toddles across our living room, or looks at me with all seriousness and says, "ah da gur mah ba". Here's a video of my little toddler (no longer a baby):



In other news...I just finished reading Water for Elephants. I think there's a movie out with the same title, based on the book. I casually picked this up (ok, downloaded onto my nook) last week and finished it within a few days. Overall, nice story and kept me reading but I wasn't absolutely blown away. I'm starting The Hunger Games series tonight and hope to hang onto those through the next 3 weeks. Hopefully they're as good as everyone says they are.

Fun Friday

I took yesterday off of work. First time in several months and I lived it up! I got up with Ryan and Paul at the lovely time of 6 AM, dropped Ryan with my mom at 7 and my day of fun began! I swung by my all time favorite donut shop, Shipley's and got a blueberry cake and a chocolate filled donut. I went home, sipped my coffee and ate my donuts. Then I started on the things I needed to get gone. I started the laundry, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, washed bottles, and showered. Then I went grocery shopping. And then the things I absolutely had to get done were all done. Then I went to Macy's!

Now, I haven't always been a Macy's fan. While living in Chicago, Macy's bought out the famed Marshall Fields and every good Chicagoan is trained to hate Macy's. Even after I moved here, I couldn't see the appeal. The Macy's nearest me had poor selection and I never could find the awesome deals that my step mom always got. However, recently, I've become a total Macy's addict. A couple weeks ago, I made the drive (10 minutes futher...it's not some trek or anything) to The Good Macy's. I had forgotten that I had a merchandise credit gift card. I was like freaking Mary Tyler Moore. I just wanted to throw my proverbial hat in the air. I bought a pair of work pants, a necklace, and a handbag and spent $2 out of my own pocket. So yesterday I decided to head to the crappy Macy's close by my house because it was the one day sale and I had a $10 off coupon to use if I spent $25 (surely I'd spend $25).

I initially went to look for some Stride Rites for Ryan, but when I quickly figured out that this crappy Macy's doesn't carry shoes, I moved on to the women's department. There I found lots of awesome stuff. I picked out a pair of Levi's Boyfriend Jeans, a pair of Inc black skinny jeans and a nice pair of pinstriped pants for work. I had also decided that it was high time that I got a Macy's card since I was becoming a regular shopper there and they have mad coupons for their card members. Anyways, as the lady is ringing me up, she is gasping and saying what a great deal I got. I guessed so..I mean, I didn't think it was anything to write home about. And then she tells me my total is $20. $20?!!! What?! I looked and I paid 1/10th of the regular full price for each item. Seriously...those Levi Boyfriend Jeans? I paid $4.80! FOR A PAIR OF LEVI'S! Hell, for any pair of jeans, no matter what brand, that's a great deal. The Inc jeans were $7.90. I'm excited about those because I do recall looking at that exact pair of pants a few months ago and walking away in horror from the $79 price tag. Anyways, I love Macy's. I love how it smells. I love their awesome deals. I just like how it makes me feel when I walk into their store. Their employees are so nice and helpful and I know it sounds crazy, but shopping there reminds me of a department store I went to once in Paris. I bought a pair of shoes there. I just love Macy's.

After Macy's, I headed over to Ross where I bought a pair of super cute black sandals with silver accents. Then I went to the Cuban bakery where I bought Cuban bread and guava and cream cheese pastries. I came home, made a sandwich, and rested. Then I went and got my hair done.

Now...I'm cheap. Honestly. I'll say it. I don't like to spend money on things that aren't important to me. My hair is one of those things. The last time I got my hair cut, I liked the cut but hated the stylist. I've never found the one person who can cut my hair and is affordable that I love. So back to The Paul Mitchell School I went. Their services are all done by students but they're supervised and it's affordable. My appointment was at 2. The sweet girl who ended up with me was named Morgan and she was nice and very patient and while she had to ask quite a few questions, she did an excellent job. So good, in fact, that I'm going back in 7 weeks. My hair was a hot mess. I hadn't had it cut in at least 6 months. The last time I had colored it was from a box in my mom's kitchen. She sat me down and we picked out a lighter, summery color and cut. Here is the before:


Not terrible...just ratty and with no shape. I got what's known as a swing bob. It's longer than a bob and the back is shorter than the front. Here is the after:


Since it was at a school and since I opted to get a special color stripping treatment on my hair, I was there for 3 hours. I love The Paul Mitchell School, though. The people there are all just so...hip. And nice. And they genuinely love hair. And they better for what it costs to go there. After I got out of there, I picked Paul up and we went out to dinner. It was just at BJ's and we had a great time just the two of us.

It was what I'd describe as the perfect day off work. I shopped, got awesome deals, got my hair done, and had dinner with my best friend. Today was another great day too, but that's another story..

Six Word Stories

Inspired by Jen Lancaster over at Jennsylvania. Here are a few of mine:

Hearing "mama" melts my heart every time.

Forgotten Gift Card yields awesome deals.

Mexican for lunch produces gassy results.

Getting tired of yogurt for breakfast.

How many more days until vacation?

Regrets

The question was posed:

Which do you regret more? The things you've done or the things you haven't done?

For me, it's the things I've done. The choices I've made. There's still time for the things I haven't done, but I can't undo the things that I have done.

I think I've questioned more decisions I've made in the last 10.5 months than I have in the entirety of my life. None moreso than the details surrounding the birth of my son. Looking through pictures today, I came upon this one:
Disregard disgusting arm stretch marks. The picture brought tears to my eyes. I think it was one, if not the first, time I got to hold my baby. And the look on his face. It's as if he's saying, "where have you been? what took you so long?". I didn't get to see him for quite some time. At the time, it didn't seem weird to me. I didn't know. And I take some comfort in my ignorance at the time.

But that face. He was waiting to see me, too. I was the only person he knew in the whole wide world and I wasn't there. He was alone in a bed with people poking and prodding him and I wasn't there.

That is what I regret.

I know he's fine now. I don't think our bond was permanently damaged. But it still hurts.

Baby Mama

So I'm sitting here watching Baby Mama with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. How have I not watched this before?! As interested in surrogacy as I am, you'd think I'd have seen this, So far, 20 minutes in - thumbs up.

Things are going well. Last weigh in, I lost another .5 lb. That brings my total to 11.5 lbs. Since I met my first weight loss goal, I got my first reward - $50 to spend however I wish. I chose to get a fancy manicure with a new polish called Shellac. It allegedly lasts two weeks. I've had it about 48 hours and so far, no chipping. It actually cost $45, which is pricey for a manicure. But so far, I love my flashy red nails.

Anyways, nothing new is going on. Work is crazy. It's almost over, and I keep telling myself that in only a few more weeks, Peak will be over and we'll all be in the money. Plus, baseball season starts soon and in 2 months - I'll be on vacation! As for now, just getting ready for the next consignment sale. It'll be my first time participating as a consignor. I didn't realize I had so much crap to get rid of! And none of it is clothes. So I'll be dropping that off next Thursday and get to shop next Friday! woo hoo!

Otherwise, we're quietly going about life, each day passing like the one before.

I'm beat.

Work is crazy. I knew going into this that there would be a handful of late nights from January to April. Well, here we are smack in the middle of it and I am counting the days down to when we're done. I worked over 12 hours on Friday and Erica and I are meeting back up at the office tomorrow, too. I'm trying to rest since I know that this upcoming week will be a long one. Only a few more weeks to go!

Today I had the pleasure of meeting up with my long time best friend, Kelli, for some yummy pancakes and consignment sale shopping! We met super early at Ol South Pancake House in downtown Ft. Worth and then headed over to Will Rogers for the sale. There were clothes as far as the eye could see and I'd say 25% of what I bought still had tags on it. I also got my mom a Fisher Price Learning House, the same as the one we have at my house, because Ryan loves it so much. Other than the clothes and the house, I bought two pairs of shoes. It was a good time and I was back on my side of DFW and home with my boys by 1.

Since I was so tired from getting home late last night and leaving before 7 this morning, I was ready for a nap and after playing with Ryan and squishing him to pieces because I've missed him, I crashed and slept for two hours. I realized how little time I've gotten with him lately. I worked late twice this week plus super late on Friday and then there will be tomorrow. I miss him. It was nice to just play with him today.

A dear friend of mine lost her young child last week and I'm reminded of how insignificant my problems are. And how fleeting time is. Ryan woke up from his 2nd nap today a total crab and was ultra clingy and whiny, but instead of getting frustrated with him, I sat with him and cuddled him and tried not to roll my eyes when he got mad that I adjusted my seating position. I know I won't have much time with him in the long run. He'll be 10 months old next Thursday and the last 1o months have already flown by. I look at pictures of him and see a little boy, not a baby. I know he is still just a baby, but the pictures I took of him today are like a window to the future. It's exciting and scary at the same time.

To end on a positive note, both Paul and I have met our first weight loss goal of 10 lbs. I met it this past Friday and Paul actually met his goal 2 weeks ago. Next goal is 10 more lbs. One day at a time! I'm watching Pretty Woman. The beginning of this movie is the best part.

In other news...

I'm trying to stop worrying that lady down the street thinks I'm a creepy baby snatcher. So, in other news...

We booked our cruise last night! Yay! Uncle Sam deposited our tax return into our checking account on Friday and I promptly spent all but $100 of it last night. I am very excited about this vacation. It's been a pattern for us to cruise every other year but the last two years have seemed so eventful and hectic that this vacation seems like a long long loooong time coming. I can't freaking wait. 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days to go!

I'm also working hard at losing weight. I lost 1.5 lbs this past week. I attribute it to meal planning, tracking, and getting some exercise in. It's so nice out now that I can take Ryan for walks pretty much daily. Paul met his first 10 lb goal and got a reward. I still have 1 lb to go to get to 10 lbs and then I'll get mine. I just have a hard time staying on track on the weekends. Right now, I'm thinking about whether or not I want to go out to breakfast and get some yummy banana pecan pancakes. See what I mean?

Consignment sale season is upon us! Last weekend, I met up with my bff, Kelli on Saturday for some Divine pre-sale shopping. Then again on Sunday with Kim! No sales this weekend, but the big JBF Sale in Ft. Worth is next Saturday. I'm meeting up with Kelli again and am very excited. It's nice that we can shop together since we both have boys and don't have to split up. I'm planning on dropping the most cash at this one on clothes. But there are still a few more sales coming up that I want to go to.

Ryan's with his grandma at the ranch this weekend, so I spent yesterday with all the doors and windows open airing the house out, cleaning, and doing laundry. He'll be home sometime today. I woke up ridiculously early this morning (around 6:30) and laid in bed for awhile. I got up around 7, started the dishwasher, made coffee, showered, and have been sitting on the couch sipping coffee and enjoying the silence for awhile now. I cherish the moments I get to spend all by myself, no talking required. I miss my little boy, but I'll see him later today, and this was a much needed break. Not to mention my house is in order again.

Despite the fact that I do miss my alone time and my living room is now filled with plastic rainbow colored toys, I can't wait to do this all again in a couple of years!

Let it fill me up

I had a really bad day.

Really bad. Probably one of the worst days I've ever had at work. I made a pretty significant mistake that could potentially be a pretty big problem in the future. I feel terrible. This is the first time since working at Large Arts & Crafts Retailer that I've made a lasting error. I spent the better part of the afternoon agonizing over it and willing my tears back.

I'll start at the beginning. I got to work at my normal crack of dawn time this morning to discover that several computers were on their encryption screens. No biggie, we probably had some sort of overnight patch done and a reboot. So I try to log in only to find that for some reason I, and a handful of others, can't get Windows to open. It was a never ending circle of PGP Encryption logging in. I logged myself into a computer at an empty desk and happily worked until the power suddenly went out. Then, for two hours, I met with a coworker and together, we made a list of everything we needed to get done once we got access to our shared drive back.

Around lunchtime, still no access, I ate at the empty desk. Suddenly, we could get back into our stuff. It was all downhill from there. I suppose it was all downhill from the first issue of the day, but after lunch, it was really all down hill. Not long after regaining access, we discovered the magnitude of My Mistake. It's pretty bad and I kind of want to stop thinking about it.

I was kicked out of my temporary desk because someone was actually moving into it (how dare they!) and found another desk with a computer that was excruciatingly slow. I was forced to move to yet another desk with an awesome computer. Only, it didn't have MS Access on it - the very application I spent 99% of my time using. I made do for the rest of the day but left work late with a pounding head.

My husband had to work late tonight, so it was just me and Ryan. I popped 3 ibuprofen on my way out of work and drove home in silence. From the time I pulled up at my mom's house and saw my sweet little baby smile, all of the crap from the shitty day I had endured melted away. We took a little walk to Diane's parents' house and had dinner there since Paul was working late.

Afterwards, we came home and I bathed him and got him ready for bed, gave him a bottle, and tucked him in. I held his sweet little hand as he had his bottle and drifted off to sleep and let his innocence and love fill my heart with joy. I held him a little longer than he needed and thought about how fleeting time is and how quickly his babyhood is slipping away.

I'm so proud of him.

Sunday Funday

This has been a great weekend. This weekend marked the beginning of the spring consignment sale season. I love consignment sales. I am able to get tons of stuff for cheap, and that's just the way I like it.

I didn't have plans for Saturday until my friend Kelli was able to score me a pass to the pre-sale of the Divine Consign event in Grapevine. She got me a pass to the 5:00 sale, which was perfect. Ryan was having an exceptionally good day. He slept until 8 AM and then napped from 10:50 to 1:10. Not sure what's up with his excessive sleeping lately, but I'll take it! Kelli and I decided to have dinner afterwards and so I brought Paul and Ryan along for the fun. I got some great things at the pre-sale. I had already planned to meet up with another friend, Kim, on Sunday for consignment shopping, so I took it easy on the pre-sale. I got an awesome baby gate for $25. We have an open floorplan at our house, so I needed more than your standard gate. I was so excited to find one that was customizable up to 12 feet! That was a great find. I also got my mom some barn play yard thing. She was able to see that's made by Today's Kids, but despite googling, I can't find info on it anywhere. I picked up a few outfits, but that was it for the pre-sale.

Afterwards, we met up with her husband and their son, Aiden at Red Robin for dinner. The boys were remarkably well behaved for two 9 month olds getting close to bedtime in a busy restaurant. Aiden is so laid back. Ryan just wants to go everywhere, so sitting in a high chair isn't super fun for him. We had a great time.

Today is a magical day. Today is Eligible For An Upgrade On My Iphone Day. I met Kim this morning at the Consignment Sale at 10. The hour we spent in line waiting for the opening flew by. I talk to her pretty much everyday but we don't get to hang out often at all because she lives outside of the metroplex. I got a few more outfits, 5 pair of shoes, and a big toy for Ryan. I bought it on a whim and he LOOOVES it. It's the Fisher Price Learning Home. Listed on Amazon right now for $128.99 and I paid $20. Sweet! Ryan loves it. It was a good purchase. After the consignment sale, I headed home and got home just in time to check the mail and find Paul's Southwest credit card approval in there. So we've got 2 more free flights! We have decided to gift those two to my mom and Diane for Paul's sister's wedding in November. It's the least we can do for everything they do for us.

After getting that good news, we dropped a very happy baby off at my dad's for a few hours and went to get my new iphone. Which I love! We picked Ryan up at 3, brought him home, gave him a bottle, and he went right to sleep and slept for quite some time again. I'm just now settling in after finishing my dinner and getting things ready for tomorrow.

This has been a good weekend.

Am I The Creepy Lady Down The Street?

A couple of weeks ago, Paul and I left to go pick Ryan up from his grandparents' house. We noticed several cars parked on the street and I wondered what was going on. Until I saw the 6 foot tall giant stork announcing the birth of a little girl.

Now, I'm paranoid and am afraid of baby snatchers, so I'd never put something like that in my yard. I mean, who knows what kind of crazies might come around! I'm no baby snatcher, but maybe I am a little bit crazy....because, all I could think was, "How exciting! Maybe we can be friends!"

Paul (and the rational ladies on the BHB on babycenter) convinced me that it would be creepy and inappropriate to walk over there and introduce myself (even though they had a giant ass stork in their yard and their front door open and were hosting what looked like an open house). Maybe it's the southern coming out in me, but I thought it would be nice (and not creepy or inappropriate) to talk over there with Ryan and congratulate them. I tried to think back to how I felt during that first day at home and after Paul reminded me of my mental state, I agreed that it might be overwhelming to have some stranger come over and force her friendship upon me.

However, I also didn't put a giant pink stork in my yard announcing my child's name and weight and didn't have a steady stream of guests parading in and out of my house.

So I did the next best thing. I picked a baby card out of my stash of cards that I keep on hand and dropped it in their mailbox the next day. The card said congratulations, my name is Sam, I have a 9 month old, and here is my number and email address and let me know if you need anything. I was certain that they'd get the card and shoot off an email saying hi or be excited to know there are other families in the area and we'd become friends.

I guess I'm just an idealistic person. It's been 2 weeks and not a peep. In fact, I'm almost positive that they saw me checking my mail one day and closed their front door (which I've noticed they keep open because it's nice out). I sound like a scary stalker. I promise I'm not.

Maybe she's struggling with being a first time mom (I know she's a FTM because what respectable second or third or fourth time mom would put a giant stork in their yard?), maybe she is overwhelmed and suffering from PPD or just the baby blues? I was totally there and probably would have either been completely weirded out or cried tears of joy if this happened to me. Maybe she just hasn't had time to send an email or walk over here. At what point would it be awkward if we ran into each other? Maybe she's so sleep deprived that she hasn't checked her mail in 2 weeks and hasn't received my card? Maybe the mailman STOLE my card?!

Or maybe I'm just the creepy lady down the street.

Vacation all I ever wanted

I'm tired today. Husband and I have a deal that involves him getting up with the baby on weekends (and every other day) and I get to sleep in. So even though I got plenty of sleep, I'm still kind of dragging today.

This is my first week of WW fail. I gained half a pound this week. I think I need a reminder as to why I'm choosing to lose weight. I reach this point pretty early in my weight loss, where I decide I don't care and quit. So I'm trying to renew my efforts. I am pledging to do better this week. Which I know I say every week...but, I've already done pretty awesome this weekend, eating junk food only once. And that was our traditional Friday night pizza. But, pizza's on a moratorium because....

WE'RE GOING ON VACATION!!!

Woo hoo! The temporary halt on pizza isn't because I need to look better in a swimsuit (let's face it, I won't ever look GOOD). It's because we're saving money for our vacation. We decided that we'd use our tax return to go on a cruise to the Bahamas and Florida Keys. A couple of things made this possible:

1. We're credit card debt free, so no lingering debts to use our tax return to pay off
2. My company has a bonus program, so I'll be getting a bonus in April and using that money to work on our 2nd living area.
3. Southwest is having a deal where if you get approved for their credit card, you get TWO free flights. Of course I was approved.

We had originally said no vacation this year because my SIL is getting married in November and we'd need to fly to Chicago for her wedding. Flights aren't cheap these days and so we knew we'd need our tax return for that as well as lodging at the place she's getting married, plus gifts, attire, etc. Well, since I got approved for the card and got the free flights, and since we are getting my bonus to work on the house, we decided to use our tax return on ourselves. I can't wait.

We'll be gone for a whole week to the Bahamas and Keys and I plan on drinking a lot of margaritas and getting tan. And I cannot wait! I am positive it's going to be hard to leave Ryan for a whole week, but I am very much looking forward to some grown up time with Paul.

Speaking of Ryan...he is 9 months old! We went for his 9 month checkup on Friday and he's doing great. 21.5 lbs (54th percentile), 29 inches tall (75th percentile). He's physically advanced and is operating at the 11 month old level. He's crawling like a maniac and can cruise like no one's business. He's starting to let go and turn corners and then scares himself when he realizes he isn't holding onto anything. I think he'll be walking within the next month or two. When his ped asked if he was trying to crawl, I laughed. He can stand up holding onto a wall now. He doesn't even need a flat surface. He says mama sometimes, but isn't saying dada or baba. I'm a little worried that he isn't saying those things, but he does seem to be saying hola a lot. The doc said that sometimes kids who are advanced in their motor skills are slower to talk, and vice versa. So I'm trying not to worry about it.

Here he is in all his 9 month glory:

Maybe I finally get it

So Friday morning, I was really skeptical about having yet another day as a stay at home mom. See my previous post.

Well, Ryan was the sweetest, happiest, funnest baby ever. We spent all day at home playing and I was kind of sad when they day came to a close and he went to bed at 7:30. Since it snowed all night, and the sheets of ice from the 3 previous days hadn't melted, we really were home bound. We had been able to make the short trip to my mom's on Wednesday and Thursday but Friday, it just wasn't possible. I was REALLY leery about the prospect of not even getting another set of hands to help out. But it was fine. Fun, even.

In fact, I think I kind of get it now. I had a great time with him. We got up around 7 AM, played, had breakfast, played, took a nap, played, lunch, played, nap, played, dinner, played, bath, played, bedtime. It was fun! I can imagine it might be fun to stay home on days like that. No doubt that I still NEED to be a workin' mama, but I totally related to my stay at home sister mamas that day.

I also weighed in yesterday and am proud to report another loss of 1 lb. I'm up to 8 lbs lost. Yes, it's slow. And becoming increasingly challenging. I have days where I just want to eat junk. Today is one of those days. This entire week was challenging since I wasn't at work and essentially locked in a house 24/7. I had a hard time not eating tons of junk. And I did eat my fair share. I hope to get back on track tomorrow.

While I'm ready to get back to work, I know that 4 days lost is going to be a hard hit. I'm counting down the days until April when we're done with peak season.

Day 4

It's Snow Day: Day 4.

I miss work.

Our heater isn't keeping up with the outside temperatures. It's not cold inside, just not as warm as we usually keep it.

And tomorrow is the weekend. When I normally decompress and enjoy family time. I've had 3 solid days of family time. Today will be the 4th.

I mean...what is wrong with me? What kind of mother DOESN'T want to stay home and spend time with their baby? I seriously think something is wrong with me. At least I'm not alone. My husband hasn't been at work since Monday, either. The difference is that he has VPN access and I don't, so he actually is working, just not at his office. I'm insanely jealous.

Maybe I'd feel differently if we weren't housebound. We have spent the last two days at my mom's, so we've had 5 adults playing with 1 very rambunctious baby. Today, the roads are too treacherous to make the 3.1 mile trek to her house. That's how bad it is. Thankfully, we have plenty of food and between the two of us, we can switch off taking care of Ryan. He is not a homebody. My mom, who watches him while we are at work, frequently takes him with her out to lunch and shopping. I'm pretty sure he's as tired of being home as we are. I'll just take some comfort in thinking that maybe I wouldn't mind staying home if I were allowed to leave my house.

I'm going to try and relax and maybe bake something.

SAHM: Day 2

Another "snow" day today. No work for Paul or I. Not even web mail for me. Apparently Large Arts & Crafts Retailer's servers were down. Oh yeah, we had rolling power outages today.

Yesterday was challenging. Today was even moreso. It's not just that we're being stay at home parents with a rambunctious 9 month old. It's that we can't go ANYWHERE. I don't think staying home would be so bad if I could go places, but we are literally confined to our house. We did manage to make the 3.1 mile trek to my mom and Diane's today though. I had to get out. The thought of staying home made me crazy. It took us 20 minutes to go that 3 miles, but it was worth it! It was nice. My mom bought Whataburger and Paul braved the really bad streets to pick it up. Then my mom made us all Irish coffees and chocolate chip cookies. I watched three movies on Netflix. It was nice to have my mom take care of us. And Ryan. And I took a nap!

Like I said, the entire state is having rolling blackouts. We had 2 just before 9 AM. We left our house at 9:30 and I know we had at least 1 more because our clocks were blinking when we got home around 5. I think the blackout freaked Ryan out this morning because he woke up earlier than normal. I was sitting in bed sipping coffee and watching the news around 6:20 when the power failed. I wasn't expecting it (we hadn't heard about the blackouts) and a couple of minutes later I heard the beginning of Ryan's cries. I think the sudden lack of white noise in his room and no light at all startled him. Startled me too.

Several school districts are already closed tomorrow and I'm guessing that my company will do the same thing they've done for the last 2 days - delay until 10 and then announce an all day closure around 9. They're saying more snow on Friday morning and that we won't get above freezing until Saturday. I never thought I'd say it but I am definitely ready to go back to work. As hectic and crazy as it is, I enjoy my drive to work and the time with my coworkers and seeing my little boy at the end of the day.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. I can't say I'd be entirely disappointed if I had to spend another day at my mom's watching movies and eating cookies and playing!

Finally

I have typically been updating on Fridays with my weight loss for the week. I slacked this week, I know. I didn't lose weight. Didn't gain weight. End of story, the end. We'll see what this Friday's weigh in brings.

In other news, work is busier than ever and we're going to be reaching peak busy-ness sometime within the next 2 or 3 weeks. It's exciting and draining. I also finally finished Under The Dome by Stephen King. I started it when I was in my last month of pregnancy and can remember taking the giant book with me to the hospital, foolishly thinking that I'd have plenty of time to read. Man, I was stupid. I had to return the book to the library shortly after Ryan was born and never got more than 100 pages into it. I really enjoyed it. I read a lot of Stephen King in high school, influenced by my friend Justin, who was an avid reader. Even years after we parted ways, we'd touch base via email and discuss our latest reads. Anyways, it was really good. Finished it today and am contemplating what my next read will be.

A couple of weeks ago, I read The Help, which I also loved. I passed it onto my mom who is passing it onto her employee. We both loved it.

Things at home are great. We had a snow day today. Which in North Texas happens like, once a year. So I got to be a stay at home mom today. Let me say - while I LOVE spending time with Ryan...he is exhausting. And my job at work, while challenging, is way easier than taking care of an almost 9 month old baby all day. I'm betting tomorrow will be another snow day, as it's like 15 outside and no sign of the ice melting. So I'm in for another day of being a stay at home mom tomorrow too. I only hope my husband can stay home tomorrow as well. I don't get women who do this day in and day out all by themselves.

Looking back, taking care of a newborn was way easier. People told me that would be the case, but having a baby and being so wrapped up in learning what to do, it seemed impossible that anything could get harder than that. Now, I understand Ryan's needs a hell of a lot better, but he is everywhere and into everything. I cannot imagine how exhausted I'd be if I stayed home. I realize that some people believe that being a stay at home mom is what's best, but I disagree.

I think it's so important to maintain your own identity - separate from being a mother, separate from being a wife or significant other. Work is part of who I am as a person and while it isn't all of who I am, it's what I've always done and want to continue doing. Of course, I think my way is best. I think I know better than everyone and yeah, I do kind of judge women who decide to stay home after having a baby. Sex and The City said it best (Season 6, Episode 9: A Woman's Right to Shoes, "It's like she had two cesareans and a lobotomy". Is that what is meant to become of us? We just morph into these housekeeping, lactating things that chase after children all day? What comes next? What do you do once they're done being raised?

Even though I'm 99% sure that tomorrow will be another snow day, I better go get stuff ready incase it isn't.

Roots

I tend to dream about things that I need to do. Which is annoying because there are some mornings that I wake up feeling like all I did all night was make a mental to-do list. Last night, I thought that it was kind of sad that this blog had taken a turn for Weightlossdom. When I really started it to talk about all things Mommy. So back to my roots I go.

As I type this, Plaza Sesamo plays in the background while Ryan and Paul play. I think Ryan is dangerously close to saying "hi". He has a walker (yes, bad mommy, I know) that says "hi! hi! hi!" when it's turned on. I swear I've heard something close to "hi" a couple of times. Yesterday, we went to visit our good friends, Jonathan, Kelli, and their baby, Aiden. Aiden is only 3 weeks younger than Ryan, and it's so fun to watch the boys interact. Or, try to force them to play together. Both seem disinterested in each other. I wonder when babies start to play with other babies. Ryan doesn't go to daycare and I'm worried about his social skills, as he isn't around other kids very often at all. I think Kelli and I both want to have well adjusted kids and are going to try to get together more often.

Today's Sunday. It's cold and wet outside and I'm sitting here sipping my coffee while Ryan wanders around the house. I can't keep up with that kid. His dad is in charge right now. As thrilled as I am that he's growing and learning and moving, I do kind of miss the days when I could put him around and turn around for 2 seconds without him moving.

He's 8.5 months old tomorrow. I can't believe how fast the time has passed. When he was a newborn and I was in a haze of postpartum baby blues (seriously, it was bad), I remember Paul telling me that it would get easier when we stopped measuring Ryan's life in days. And then it turned into weeks. And here we are, 8.5 months later and we're dangerously close to measuring his life in years. He can crawl like a madman, pull himself to standing on just about any stationery object, sit himself back down (finally!), and cruise around furniture at a too-dangerous-for mommy-to-look speed. He also is getting to be a pro at putting himself to sleep without our help. I snap pictures of him at every opportunity. I don't want to forget.

Well, Ryan's crawled around the corner for the 10th time looking for me. Note to self: When purchasing our next home, don't buy a house with an open floor plan. Doors. Lots of doors.

Win

I weighed in this morning and was shocked to see a 2.5 loss. I'm up to 7 lbs now! I worked really hard to stay within my points this week. Last weekend, I relaxed a bit and went out to dinner with my husband, had a margarita, and also an ice cream sundae. But it was the single serving, not the double!! So I worked hard not to go over in my daily points since I figured I had probably used up my weeklies on the ice cream and mexican food.

I'm pleased with my progress. I'm averaging about 2.3 lbs a week, which is good. I haven't felt deprived since I discovered a delicious treat! I call it Peanut Butter Treat (original, I know).

2 tbsp fat free cool whip
1 tsp peanut butter
mix it together and use it as a dip. Or just eat it as soft serve! I usually double the recipe and top it with mixed berries.

It's great to have at night when I'm feeling especially snacky. I find that the busier I am, the less concerned with food I am. Lucky for me, I'm slammed at work (hence the near abandonment of this blog) and therefore I am too preoccupied to think of anything except work until my bladder forces me to leave my desk. Most of the time, I get home and am exhausted, begin my 2nd job as Mommy and manage to cook dinner, clean the kitchen, put the baby down, and shower before 8:00. By then, I want to eat a big ole bowl of carbs or chocolate. My peanut butter snack has been a good substitution.

Work has been insane for the last 3 weeks. We've been preparing for lots of organizational changes, every single one of them positive changes for the people affected. The announcements were finally made yesterday and it's such a relief! With all the anticipation surrounding it, you could cut the tension with a knife. Sadly, one of my mentors and friends is now going to be working in another location. I'm going to miss being able to stop by his office and chat with him about anything.

Other good news this week! I got a Nook! I was vehemently against e-readers. I couldn't possibly imagine not having paper in my hands reading. The weight of the book. The way it feels in my hands. It all felt a little Fahrenheit 451ish to me. Then I thought about how weird it felt to download entire albums and how I wondered why anyone would download music when you could buy an actual physical cd! And have something to hold and look at! Now, the thought of buying a cd confuses me. Where do you even buy cds anymore? Why wouldn't you just download the music? And that's when it struck me that I needed to just suck it up and get my fancy new e-reader. And. I. Love. It.

I love it so much that I'm going to go read it now.

Happenings

I got nothin'.

No, really, this week flew by with nothing out of the ordinary or especially exciting happening. I went to work and came home every day. That's about it.

However, today is the beginning of Week 3 of Weight Watchers. It was my 2nd weigh in today and I'm proud that I lost 1 lb. I know 1 lb doesn't seem like a lot, but coupled with last week's lost, I'm negative 4.5 lbs! Better than 0 lbs! I was frantic last night, worrying that I hadn't lost any weight and might have actually gained weight despite following the program. On my way to work, I considered all of the things I could be doing to move my progress along.

First of all, I need to get more physical activity. I refuse to say exercise because I loathe exercising. It's not fun and makes me feel bad about myself. So I decided that I'm going to park further away at work. This is a big deal because I get there so early that I park mere feet from the door. I mean, who doesn't like rock star parking?! I know it seems like a little thing, but for someone whose physical activity is limited to walking to the potty and back, a few extra steps in the parking lot will be beneficial. We'll see how it goes from there. Plus, I'd rather do this now than when it's 1000 degrees again.

Secondly, I need to spread my WW points out through the day more evenly. For example, I'm left with 16 points tonight after work today. That's a lot of points (nearly half of my daily limit) to "spend" between 6:30 (when Ryan goes to bed) and 9 PM (when I go to bed). I need to eat less in the evenings and more throughout the day. That's step 2.

I guess that's just two things. Two things that I can commit to for one week.

In other news, work is getting increasingly busier by the day and I can't say I hate it. I'm just the type of person who works best under pressure, so being busy is a good thing for me. Ryan and Paul are both doing great. Ryan turned 8 months old this past Monday and is busier than ever. He only gained half a pound from last month and is still 27 inches tall. He's starting 3 meals a day, up from 2 meals a day and has tried tons of things. There isn't much he doesn't like! He's crawling like crazy and loves to cruise too. Biggest achievement over the last month: He can sit down from standing. Seems like a small thing, but it's really huge and I'm proud of him!

Untitled.

I often find myself, on the weekends, thinking, "Wow, I would really love to X, but Ryan's here...". Replace X with things like clean out the guest room closet, clean out the coat closet, clean out the game room, paint the game room...the list goes on. He takes good naps, but sometimes you really just need a productive day to get shit done.

Today, I took him to my mom's around 2:00. He's crawling now, cruising along every stable surface in our house, and is into everything. It's hard to keep up with him. He's spending the night with my mom so we could get some work done. Like I was saying, we dropped him off at 2:00 and said our goodbyes. We went to Wal-Mart to get groceries (ugh, don't even get me started) and came home, did some things around the house and the quietness started seeping in.

No baby babbles of mamamamamamama or dadadadadada, or, his favorite..nenenenenenene
No singing drum, or singing school bus, or singing zoo, or singing ball popper thing.
No *slap slap* *slap slap* on the tile floor as he crawls

It was quiet. My husband was in the other room, I, in the kitchen planning our dinners for the week. I started to cry. I miss my son. He's going through a mommy stage, where I'm the one he wants. He wants ME to rock him, ME to feed him, ME to carry him, memememememe. The break is certainly welcome, but I find myself thinking, "What if it was like this all the time? What if Ryan didn't exist?" My life would feel so empty.

I do realize this was my life before children. It wasn't empty then. I just miss those baby babbles this afternoon, I guess.

Weight Watchers: Week 1

I joined Weight Watchers last Saturday. I blew it off until the REAL New Year started when I went back to work on Monday. So today is Day 5. I changed my weigh in day from Saturday to Friday, so I weighed in today. I have a total loss of 3.5 lbs.

I am proud of myself.

I really think the key is in meal planning. I planned everything I ate, which wasn't really that hard for me because I had been doing that before I joined Weight Watchers. I just had to make some slight modifications. So as much as I miss my bagel and honey nut cream cheese for breakfast, my protein bar and banana isn't a bad trade. I've still been taking leftovers from dinner for lunch, but I am finding that my regular old recipes are a bit high in points. So I plan on looking at the WW website more this weekend and getting some good recipes to try. I am going to miss E-Mealz, though, because they make your grocery list (store specific) and everything!

I do have to say that at first, while I was skeptical about the new points system, I really like that fruits and veggies are "free". The banana I eat is 0 points and I've been eating a tomato with lunch that's 0 points too. It's going to be pretty awesome when summertime is here and I can enjoy berries and fruit for freeeee!

But, for now, I'm going to enjoy my delicious cheese pizza (within my points) and watch some tv with the hubs.

I almost forgot!

With all the resolving of things in keeping with the tradition of the New Year, I almost forgot to mention some exciting news.

First, and most exciting, we are credit card debt free. I'll say it again: WE ARE CREDIT CARD DEBT FREE. Woo hoo! I've been working at this for the last 3 years and we're finally DONE. My advice to people who are trying to get out of debt: keep on keepin' on and take advantage of every little thing you can. I've transferred balances to cards with no interest. I've spent every last extra cent we had on paying off debt. While not fun for my husband, I got a bizarre thrill of seeing that balance go down. We also stopped using credit cards unless there was some extenuating circumstance. And then, we shopped around for the best card. I don't care about points or miles. I'm all about the interest free stuff. Finally, we were very fortunate to receive some money on a few occasions. Once was our wedding. Once was my first bonus at work, and finally, what got us down to $0 was the money from our homeowners insurance because of Home Invasion 2010.

Secondly, we're finally redecorating our "game room". I might have mentioned this before. Can't remember. When we moved into our house, we agreed that room would be used to house all of my husband's White Sox stuff. He has tons of it and when we lived back in Illinois, we had nowhere to display it. So now that we do, he sure displays it. Anyways, the walls are RED. Like red red red. We decided to leave them as-is. The flooring was cream carpet, same stuff we have everywhere else in our house. My mom and Diane stained the concrete in their "game room" and it came out looking awesome. We decided to do the same. Now we have a hideous black concrete floor that is uneven and looks awful. We decided that since we're credit card debt free, we're using the rest of the homeowners insurance money for paint and using my bonus for flooring. I am super excited because when we had Ryan, he preferred the sunlight of our formal living room. It has since become our family room and we're anxious to get back to our "game room" digs and have our nice formal living area back.

Thirdly, my bff Kelli keeps me on my toes. Always has. She makes sure that I'm on top of my shit by being on top of her shit. So when she mentioned that she had started thinking about ideas for her son, Aiden's birthday (who is younger than Ryan), I decided I had better get on it. I know it's still 4 months away (well, next Monday it will be 4 months) but you only get one First Birthday. I don't remember any of my birthdays except for my 10th birthday (bowling alley) and maybe my 14th (beach, Padre Island. I slept in). I know Ryan won't remember his first birthday, but how awesome would it be for him to see pictures and think, "wow that looked cool, my mom worked hard on that". So I checked out some websites and have some super cute ideas.

So tomorrow, reality sets in. It's the beginning of peak season at work in my specific sub department of HR and I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing the light of day until April. I always think the holidays last from Thanksgiving (wasn't that just yesterday?) to the time you go back to work after New Year's Day. So tomorrow, the New Year starts. I guess it's now or never.

What we resolve.

First post of the new year! Huzzah!

Everyone makes New Year's Resolutions. Well, maybe not EVERYONE, but many people do. I am one of them. I love New Year's Resolutions; I'll admit it. I make the same one every year and every year I might succeed for a little while but then I inevitably succumb to the deliciousness of cookies and cake and fried items.

So, again, I resolve to lose weight. In my dream world, I'll have lost 40 lbs by Ryan's first birthday and will look like I did when I met my husband 7 years ago. In reality, while 40 lbs is a pretty attainable goal for 5 months, it's ambitious and would take more dedication than I'm probably willing to put in. Probably. Anyways, I'm resolving to lose weight and here are my reasons:

1. My son requires me to chase him all over the damn house and I'm currently too fat to do so without getting winded.
2. I really want to move from 2x to 1x clothing. I have a ton of cute clothes that are just too small.
3. Everyone else I know isn't as fat as I am.
4. My face looks fat now.
5. Getting too close to not being able to shop in the big girl's section. yikes.

In reality, I just want to be healthier. Someone very close to me had the lap band surgery this year. $10K later and she is healthier, but I see the struggles she goes through and I don't want to be there. So I joined Weight Watchers (again) and I've already added the recipes I'm making this week. I'm a little leery about posting this publicly because there are a few people who I know in person that read my blog and I'd rather not discuss this with anyone I know aside from my husband. So if you're reading this and we know each other personally, do both of us a favor and don't mention it. I promise it will save us from an awkward conversation.

So, like many people, losing weight is my New Year's Resolution. I'm making DH participate, so he has no choice but to make that his as well. Ryan's resolution is to continue growing and learning and eat his spinach so he can be big and strong like Popeye. That kid is everywhere now and is going to have the bumpiest head from all the bumping he does.

And now I'm off to pick up toys while the little one naps.