Let it fill me up

I had a really bad day.

Really bad. Probably one of the worst days I've ever had at work. I made a pretty significant mistake that could potentially be a pretty big problem in the future. I feel terrible. This is the first time since working at Large Arts & Crafts Retailer that I've made a lasting error. I spent the better part of the afternoon agonizing over it and willing my tears back.

I'll start at the beginning. I got to work at my normal crack of dawn time this morning to discover that several computers were on their encryption screens. No biggie, we probably had some sort of overnight patch done and a reboot. So I try to log in only to find that for some reason I, and a handful of others, can't get Windows to open. It was a never ending circle of PGP Encryption logging in. I logged myself into a computer at an empty desk and happily worked until the power suddenly went out. Then, for two hours, I met with a coworker and together, we made a list of everything we needed to get done once we got access to our shared drive back.

Around lunchtime, still no access, I ate at the empty desk. Suddenly, we could get back into our stuff. It was all downhill from there. I suppose it was all downhill from the first issue of the day, but after lunch, it was really all down hill. Not long after regaining access, we discovered the magnitude of My Mistake. It's pretty bad and I kind of want to stop thinking about it.

I was kicked out of my temporary desk because someone was actually moving into it (how dare they!) and found another desk with a computer that was excruciatingly slow. I was forced to move to yet another desk with an awesome computer. Only, it didn't have MS Access on it - the very application I spent 99% of my time using. I made do for the rest of the day but left work late with a pounding head.

My husband had to work late tonight, so it was just me and Ryan. I popped 3 ibuprofen on my way out of work and drove home in silence. From the time I pulled up at my mom's house and saw my sweet little baby smile, all of the crap from the shitty day I had endured melted away. We took a little walk to Diane's parents' house and had dinner there since Paul was working late.

Afterwards, we came home and I bathed him and got him ready for bed, gave him a bottle, and tucked him in. I held his sweet little hand as he had his bottle and drifted off to sleep and let his innocence and love fill my heart with joy. I held him a little longer than he needed and thought about how fleeting time is and how quickly his babyhood is slipping away.

I'm so proud of him.