In other news...

I'm trying to stop worrying that lady down the street thinks I'm a creepy baby snatcher. So, in other news...

We booked our cruise last night! Yay! Uncle Sam deposited our tax return into our checking account on Friday and I promptly spent all but $100 of it last night. I am very excited about this vacation. It's been a pattern for us to cruise every other year but the last two years have seemed so eventful and hectic that this vacation seems like a long long loooong time coming. I can't freaking wait. 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days to go!

I'm also working hard at losing weight. I lost 1.5 lbs this past week. I attribute it to meal planning, tracking, and getting some exercise in. It's so nice out now that I can take Ryan for walks pretty much daily. Paul met his first 10 lb goal and got a reward. I still have 1 lb to go to get to 10 lbs and then I'll get mine. I just have a hard time staying on track on the weekends. Right now, I'm thinking about whether or not I want to go out to breakfast and get some yummy banana pecan pancakes. See what I mean?

Consignment sale season is upon us! Last weekend, I met up with my bff, Kelli on Saturday for some Divine pre-sale shopping. Then again on Sunday with Kim! No sales this weekend, but the big JBF Sale in Ft. Worth is next Saturday. I'm meeting up with Kelli again and am very excited. It's nice that we can shop together since we both have boys and don't have to split up. I'm planning on dropping the most cash at this one on clothes. But there are still a few more sales coming up that I want to go to.

Ryan's with his grandma at the ranch this weekend, so I spent yesterday with all the doors and windows open airing the house out, cleaning, and doing laundry. He'll be home sometime today. I woke up ridiculously early this morning (around 6:30) and laid in bed for awhile. I got up around 7, started the dishwasher, made coffee, showered, and have been sitting on the couch sipping coffee and enjoying the silence for awhile now. I cherish the moments I get to spend all by myself, no talking required. I miss my little boy, but I'll see him later today, and this was a much needed break. Not to mention my house is in order again.

Despite the fact that I do miss my alone time and my living room is now filled with plastic rainbow colored toys, I can't wait to do this all again in a couple of years!

Let it fill me up

I had a really bad day.

Really bad. Probably one of the worst days I've ever had at work. I made a pretty significant mistake that could potentially be a pretty big problem in the future. I feel terrible. This is the first time since working at Large Arts & Crafts Retailer that I've made a lasting error. I spent the better part of the afternoon agonizing over it and willing my tears back.

I'll start at the beginning. I got to work at my normal crack of dawn time this morning to discover that several computers were on their encryption screens. No biggie, we probably had some sort of overnight patch done and a reboot. So I try to log in only to find that for some reason I, and a handful of others, can't get Windows to open. It was a never ending circle of PGP Encryption logging in. I logged myself into a computer at an empty desk and happily worked until the power suddenly went out. Then, for two hours, I met with a coworker and together, we made a list of everything we needed to get done once we got access to our shared drive back.

Around lunchtime, still no access, I ate at the empty desk. Suddenly, we could get back into our stuff. It was all downhill from there. I suppose it was all downhill from the first issue of the day, but after lunch, it was really all down hill. Not long after regaining access, we discovered the magnitude of My Mistake. It's pretty bad and I kind of want to stop thinking about it.

I was kicked out of my temporary desk because someone was actually moving into it (how dare they!) and found another desk with a computer that was excruciatingly slow. I was forced to move to yet another desk with an awesome computer. Only, it didn't have MS Access on it - the very application I spent 99% of my time using. I made do for the rest of the day but left work late with a pounding head.

My husband had to work late tonight, so it was just me and Ryan. I popped 3 ibuprofen on my way out of work and drove home in silence. From the time I pulled up at my mom's house and saw my sweet little baby smile, all of the crap from the shitty day I had endured melted away. We took a little walk to Diane's parents' house and had dinner there since Paul was working late.

Afterwards, we came home and I bathed him and got him ready for bed, gave him a bottle, and tucked him in. I held his sweet little hand as he had his bottle and drifted off to sleep and let his innocence and love fill my heart with joy. I held him a little longer than he needed and thought about how fleeting time is and how quickly his babyhood is slipping away.

I'm so proud of him.

Sunday Funday

This has been a great weekend. This weekend marked the beginning of the spring consignment sale season. I love consignment sales. I am able to get tons of stuff for cheap, and that's just the way I like it.

I didn't have plans for Saturday until my friend Kelli was able to score me a pass to the pre-sale of the Divine Consign event in Grapevine. She got me a pass to the 5:00 sale, which was perfect. Ryan was having an exceptionally good day. He slept until 8 AM and then napped from 10:50 to 1:10. Not sure what's up with his excessive sleeping lately, but I'll take it! Kelli and I decided to have dinner afterwards and so I brought Paul and Ryan along for the fun. I got some great things at the pre-sale. I had already planned to meet up with another friend, Kim, on Sunday for consignment shopping, so I took it easy on the pre-sale. I got an awesome baby gate for $25. We have an open floorplan at our house, so I needed more than your standard gate. I was so excited to find one that was customizable up to 12 feet! That was a great find. I also got my mom some barn play yard thing. She was able to see that's made by Today's Kids, but despite googling, I can't find info on it anywhere. I picked up a few outfits, but that was it for the pre-sale.

Afterwards, we met up with her husband and their son, Aiden at Red Robin for dinner. The boys were remarkably well behaved for two 9 month olds getting close to bedtime in a busy restaurant. Aiden is so laid back. Ryan just wants to go everywhere, so sitting in a high chair isn't super fun for him. We had a great time.

Today is a magical day. Today is Eligible For An Upgrade On My Iphone Day. I met Kim this morning at the Consignment Sale at 10. The hour we spent in line waiting for the opening flew by. I talk to her pretty much everyday but we don't get to hang out often at all because she lives outside of the metroplex. I got a few more outfits, 5 pair of shoes, and a big toy for Ryan. I bought it on a whim and he LOOOVES it. It's the Fisher Price Learning Home. Listed on Amazon right now for $128.99 and I paid $20. Sweet! Ryan loves it. It was a good purchase. After the consignment sale, I headed home and got home just in time to check the mail and find Paul's Southwest credit card approval in there. So we've got 2 more free flights! We have decided to gift those two to my mom and Diane for Paul's sister's wedding in November. It's the least we can do for everything they do for us.

After getting that good news, we dropped a very happy baby off at my dad's for a few hours and went to get my new iphone. Which I love! We picked Ryan up at 3, brought him home, gave him a bottle, and he went right to sleep and slept for quite some time again. I'm just now settling in after finishing my dinner and getting things ready for tomorrow.

This has been a good weekend.

Am I The Creepy Lady Down The Street?

A couple of weeks ago, Paul and I left to go pick Ryan up from his grandparents' house. We noticed several cars parked on the street and I wondered what was going on. Until I saw the 6 foot tall giant stork announcing the birth of a little girl.

Now, I'm paranoid and am afraid of baby snatchers, so I'd never put something like that in my yard. I mean, who knows what kind of crazies might come around! I'm no baby snatcher, but maybe I am a little bit crazy....because, all I could think was, "How exciting! Maybe we can be friends!"

Paul (and the rational ladies on the BHB on babycenter) convinced me that it would be creepy and inappropriate to walk over there and introduce myself (even though they had a giant ass stork in their yard and their front door open and were hosting what looked like an open house). Maybe it's the southern coming out in me, but I thought it would be nice (and not creepy or inappropriate) to talk over there with Ryan and congratulate them. I tried to think back to how I felt during that first day at home and after Paul reminded me of my mental state, I agreed that it might be overwhelming to have some stranger come over and force her friendship upon me.

However, I also didn't put a giant pink stork in my yard announcing my child's name and weight and didn't have a steady stream of guests parading in and out of my house.

So I did the next best thing. I picked a baby card out of my stash of cards that I keep on hand and dropped it in their mailbox the next day. The card said congratulations, my name is Sam, I have a 9 month old, and here is my number and email address and let me know if you need anything. I was certain that they'd get the card and shoot off an email saying hi or be excited to know there are other families in the area and we'd become friends.

I guess I'm just an idealistic person. It's been 2 weeks and not a peep. In fact, I'm almost positive that they saw me checking my mail one day and closed their front door (which I've noticed they keep open because it's nice out). I sound like a scary stalker. I promise I'm not.

Maybe she's struggling with being a first time mom (I know she's a FTM because what respectable second or third or fourth time mom would put a giant stork in their yard?), maybe she is overwhelmed and suffering from PPD or just the baby blues? I was totally there and probably would have either been completely weirded out or cried tears of joy if this happened to me. Maybe she just hasn't had time to send an email or walk over here. At what point would it be awkward if we ran into each other? Maybe she's so sleep deprived that she hasn't checked her mail in 2 weeks and hasn't received my card? Maybe the mailman STOLE my card?!

Or maybe I'm just the creepy lady down the street.

Vacation all I ever wanted

I'm tired today. Husband and I have a deal that involves him getting up with the baby on weekends (and every other day) and I get to sleep in. So even though I got plenty of sleep, I'm still kind of dragging today.

This is my first week of WW fail. I gained half a pound this week. I think I need a reminder as to why I'm choosing to lose weight. I reach this point pretty early in my weight loss, where I decide I don't care and quit. So I'm trying to renew my efforts. I am pledging to do better this week. Which I know I say every week...but, I've already done pretty awesome this weekend, eating junk food only once. And that was our traditional Friday night pizza. But, pizza's on a moratorium because....

WE'RE GOING ON VACATION!!!

Woo hoo! The temporary halt on pizza isn't because I need to look better in a swimsuit (let's face it, I won't ever look GOOD). It's because we're saving money for our vacation. We decided that we'd use our tax return to go on a cruise to the Bahamas and Florida Keys. A couple of things made this possible:

1. We're credit card debt free, so no lingering debts to use our tax return to pay off
2. My company has a bonus program, so I'll be getting a bonus in April and using that money to work on our 2nd living area.
3. Southwest is having a deal where if you get approved for their credit card, you get TWO free flights. Of course I was approved.

We had originally said no vacation this year because my SIL is getting married in November and we'd need to fly to Chicago for her wedding. Flights aren't cheap these days and so we knew we'd need our tax return for that as well as lodging at the place she's getting married, plus gifts, attire, etc. Well, since I got approved for the card and got the free flights, and since we are getting my bonus to work on the house, we decided to use our tax return on ourselves. I can't wait.

We'll be gone for a whole week to the Bahamas and Keys and I plan on drinking a lot of margaritas and getting tan. And I cannot wait! I am positive it's going to be hard to leave Ryan for a whole week, but I am very much looking forward to some grown up time with Paul.

Speaking of Ryan...he is 9 months old! We went for his 9 month checkup on Friday and he's doing great. 21.5 lbs (54th percentile), 29 inches tall (75th percentile). He's physically advanced and is operating at the 11 month old level. He's crawling like a maniac and can cruise like no one's business. He's starting to let go and turn corners and then scares himself when he realizes he isn't holding onto anything. I think he'll be walking within the next month or two. When his ped asked if he was trying to crawl, I laughed. He can stand up holding onto a wall now. He doesn't even need a flat surface. He says mama sometimes, but isn't saying dada or baba. I'm a little worried that he isn't saying those things, but he does seem to be saying hola a lot. The doc said that sometimes kids who are advanced in their motor skills are slower to talk, and vice versa. So I'm trying not to worry about it.

Here he is in all his 9 month glory:

Maybe I finally get it

So Friday morning, I was really skeptical about having yet another day as a stay at home mom. See my previous post.

Well, Ryan was the sweetest, happiest, funnest baby ever. We spent all day at home playing and I was kind of sad when they day came to a close and he went to bed at 7:30. Since it snowed all night, and the sheets of ice from the 3 previous days hadn't melted, we really were home bound. We had been able to make the short trip to my mom's on Wednesday and Thursday but Friday, it just wasn't possible. I was REALLY leery about the prospect of not even getting another set of hands to help out. But it was fine. Fun, even.

In fact, I think I kind of get it now. I had a great time with him. We got up around 7 AM, played, had breakfast, played, took a nap, played, lunch, played, nap, played, dinner, played, bath, played, bedtime. It was fun! I can imagine it might be fun to stay home on days like that. No doubt that I still NEED to be a workin' mama, but I totally related to my stay at home sister mamas that day.

I also weighed in yesterday and am proud to report another loss of 1 lb. I'm up to 8 lbs lost. Yes, it's slow. And becoming increasingly challenging. I have days where I just want to eat junk. Today is one of those days. This entire week was challenging since I wasn't at work and essentially locked in a house 24/7. I had a hard time not eating tons of junk. And I did eat my fair share. I hope to get back on track tomorrow.

While I'm ready to get back to work, I know that 4 days lost is going to be a hard hit. I'm counting down the days until April when we're done with peak season.

Day 4

It's Snow Day: Day 4.

I miss work.

Our heater isn't keeping up with the outside temperatures. It's not cold inside, just not as warm as we usually keep it.

And tomorrow is the weekend. When I normally decompress and enjoy family time. I've had 3 solid days of family time. Today will be the 4th.

I mean...what is wrong with me? What kind of mother DOESN'T want to stay home and spend time with their baby? I seriously think something is wrong with me. At least I'm not alone. My husband hasn't been at work since Monday, either. The difference is that he has VPN access and I don't, so he actually is working, just not at his office. I'm insanely jealous.

Maybe I'd feel differently if we weren't housebound. We have spent the last two days at my mom's, so we've had 5 adults playing with 1 very rambunctious baby. Today, the roads are too treacherous to make the 3.1 mile trek to her house. That's how bad it is. Thankfully, we have plenty of food and between the two of us, we can switch off taking care of Ryan. He is not a homebody. My mom, who watches him while we are at work, frequently takes him with her out to lunch and shopping. I'm pretty sure he's as tired of being home as we are. I'll just take some comfort in thinking that maybe I wouldn't mind staying home if I were allowed to leave my house.

I'm going to try and relax and maybe bake something.

SAHM: Day 2

Another "snow" day today. No work for Paul or I. Not even web mail for me. Apparently Large Arts & Crafts Retailer's servers were down. Oh yeah, we had rolling power outages today.

Yesterday was challenging. Today was even moreso. It's not just that we're being stay at home parents with a rambunctious 9 month old. It's that we can't go ANYWHERE. I don't think staying home would be so bad if I could go places, but we are literally confined to our house. We did manage to make the 3.1 mile trek to my mom and Diane's today though. I had to get out. The thought of staying home made me crazy. It took us 20 minutes to go that 3 miles, but it was worth it! It was nice. My mom bought Whataburger and Paul braved the really bad streets to pick it up. Then my mom made us all Irish coffees and chocolate chip cookies. I watched three movies on Netflix. It was nice to have my mom take care of us. And Ryan. And I took a nap!

Like I said, the entire state is having rolling blackouts. We had 2 just before 9 AM. We left our house at 9:30 and I know we had at least 1 more because our clocks were blinking when we got home around 5. I think the blackout freaked Ryan out this morning because he woke up earlier than normal. I was sitting in bed sipping coffee and watching the news around 6:20 when the power failed. I wasn't expecting it (we hadn't heard about the blackouts) and a couple of minutes later I heard the beginning of Ryan's cries. I think the sudden lack of white noise in his room and no light at all startled him. Startled me too.

Several school districts are already closed tomorrow and I'm guessing that my company will do the same thing they've done for the last 2 days - delay until 10 and then announce an all day closure around 9. They're saying more snow on Friday morning and that we won't get above freezing until Saturday. I never thought I'd say it but I am definitely ready to go back to work. As hectic and crazy as it is, I enjoy my drive to work and the time with my coworkers and seeing my little boy at the end of the day.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. I can't say I'd be entirely disappointed if I had to spend another day at my mom's watching movies and eating cookies and playing!

Finally

I have typically been updating on Fridays with my weight loss for the week. I slacked this week, I know. I didn't lose weight. Didn't gain weight. End of story, the end. We'll see what this Friday's weigh in brings.

In other news, work is busier than ever and we're going to be reaching peak busy-ness sometime within the next 2 or 3 weeks. It's exciting and draining. I also finally finished Under The Dome by Stephen King. I started it when I was in my last month of pregnancy and can remember taking the giant book with me to the hospital, foolishly thinking that I'd have plenty of time to read. Man, I was stupid. I had to return the book to the library shortly after Ryan was born and never got more than 100 pages into it. I really enjoyed it. I read a lot of Stephen King in high school, influenced by my friend Justin, who was an avid reader. Even years after we parted ways, we'd touch base via email and discuss our latest reads. Anyways, it was really good. Finished it today and am contemplating what my next read will be.

A couple of weeks ago, I read The Help, which I also loved. I passed it onto my mom who is passing it onto her employee. We both loved it.

Things at home are great. We had a snow day today. Which in North Texas happens like, once a year. So I got to be a stay at home mom today. Let me say - while I LOVE spending time with Ryan...he is exhausting. And my job at work, while challenging, is way easier than taking care of an almost 9 month old baby all day. I'm betting tomorrow will be another snow day, as it's like 15 outside and no sign of the ice melting. So I'm in for another day of being a stay at home mom tomorrow too. I only hope my husband can stay home tomorrow as well. I don't get women who do this day in and day out all by themselves.

Looking back, taking care of a newborn was way easier. People told me that would be the case, but having a baby and being so wrapped up in learning what to do, it seemed impossible that anything could get harder than that. Now, I understand Ryan's needs a hell of a lot better, but he is everywhere and into everything. I cannot imagine how exhausted I'd be if I stayed home. I realize that some people believe that being a stay at home mom is what's best, but I disagree.

I think it's so important to maintain your own identity - separate from being a mother, separate from being a wife or significant other. Work is part of who I am as a person and while it isn't all of who I am, it's what I've always done and want to continue doing. Of course, I think my way is best. I think I know better than everyone and yeah, I do kind of judge women who decide to stay home after having a baby. Sex and The City said it best (Season 6, Episode 9: A Woman's Right to Shoes, "It's like she had two cesareans and a lobotomy". Is that what is meant to become of us? We just morph into these housekeeping, lactating things that chase after children all day? What comes next? What do you do once they're done being raised?

Even though I'm 99% sure that tomorrow will be another snow day, I better go get stuff ready incase it isn't.